Ike’s story

When Ike and his partner had a restraining order placed on them, he attended an Iosis Non-Violence Programme. It has shown him the importance of taking care of his own wellbeing, so he can look after his family.

31-year-old Ike says that while he is not usually an angry person, he found the course run by Teina and Loni as being extremely worthwhile. “It was really the first time that I have ever openly talked about my childhood and feelings to anyone other than my partner,” he explains.

Ike was the youngest of five children and didn’t have “the greatest upbringing”. “I pretty much tried to keep out of the way of my parents. My mother was physically violent and my father verbally abused me, so it wasn’t the best. I spent a lot of time in my room or riding my bike and keeping out of their way.”

Ike says that alcohol and drugs had a lot to do with his parents’ behaviour, which has made him steer well clear. “I don’t do drugs or drink – my parents turned me right off.” He decided when he was around 13 years old that it wasn’t for him and is now estranged from his parents. On a more positive note, Ike says he was lucky to have his Grandad around for his early part of his childhood. “I spent a lot of time with him when I was a kid and he was great,” he reflects.

Ike says Teina and Loni, the Iosis facilitators who ran the course, were awesome. “They’re a couple of characters who are so easy to talk too. They never judged or looked down on anyone in the group but created a really open and welcoming environment,” he says.

Initially he was quite reserved and says it took a while to gain the confidence to join in with the group. “I got talking to a couple of the other guys attending about where we’d come from and why we were there and that was the trigger point for me. We started sharing and it felt good to talk things through and to listen to their experiences.”

Sharing support. Gaining knowhow.

One of the key things Ike has learnt is the importance of taking care of yourself. “Teina explained how important it is to look after yourself first so you can then look after others and how your mental wellbeing is an important part of that,” he reflects. “For me, that means going to the gym and getting myself fit again.”

Ike enjoyed meeting the other men in the group and how they gained support and knowledge from each other. “Some of them didn’t respect women very much, so I explained to them that I treat my partner how I would like someone to treat my girls.”

He recommends that anyone who either chooses to do the programme, or is referred to it, should go with an open mind. “You can see some of the men holding the anger in at first. Then after a while, it really starts to shift, and they begin to let things change.”

Ike says that Iosis was great, particularly working with Teina and Loni. “They’re so easy to talk to and really welcoming. They show you that they can really relate to your situation. In some places you feel like you’re being judged, but not with Teina and Loni. There was no judgement, it was just awesome.”

*A stock image used to protect privacy.