Amanda’s story

Determined to become a better parent, Amanda has overcome a life of domestic violence, drug use and unhealthy relationships – and is planning a new life with her daughter – thanks to the support she has received at the losis Whānau Centre.

Amanda has five children, but is currently mother to one child, aged two. Born and raised in Dunedin, she moved to Auckland just over 10 years ago. Pregnant with her fifth child, and desperate to change her life, her lawyer helped her get into the Iosis Whānau Centre (also known as Merivale), a residential parenting programme for mothers who have a background of abuse, addiction, and/or domestic violence.

“What brought me to the Whānau Centre was the determination to show Oranga Tamariki that I can be a good parent who keeps her children safe,” she says. When her baby was born, she came straight from Middlemore to the Centre.

“It was pretty intense when I came in – it took me six months to get used to it,” she says. Iosis have been amazing and given me an opportunity to stay here longer (it’s usually a six months programme). At this point in time, I don’t feel ready to go out into the community by myself with my baby. Thankfully Iosis has a very caring approach and they don’t just kick you out once you’ve graduated. They want every mum to have the best chance at success and that means a lot to me.”

Committed to changing

Amanda says, she felt nervous and lonely at first, but she was determined to change. “I had a lot of issues. I was determined to work on my ‘trauma onion’ – to start peeling off those layers.”

“It took me a while to realise that this was a safe place for me and my baby, where I could work through my trauma alongside positive role models and meet inspirational people who have helped me become who I am today,” she says. “The experience has been overwhelmingly positive. Knowing that that you can make mistakes and let out your emotions in a safe way has been life-changing.”

“My old me would have turned to drugs or alcohol to deal with my emotions. When I was angry, I would do stupid things. When I was depressed, I would hold it in until I became a ticking time bomb. I was in a really dark hole that I thought I would never get out of, because I didn’t know how to look for help, or have the skills to change.”

During her time at the losis Whānau Centre, Amanda has had support from a number of professionals, including trauma counselling through ACC, help with alcohol and drug addictions and parenting programmes. “My perspective on life has changed. I now know that I’m worthwhile, and so is my baby,” she says. “I’ve learnt to be fully present and focused on my child.”

“The staff here have coached me in so many ways. If it wasn’t for coming here, I would still be a dark hole and dragging my child into it. I have total respect for losis, for offering mums an opportunity like this.”

Feeling great and planning her future

Amanda says she feels amazing now that she has completed the programme. “Woop, woop! I managed to stick to something! Instead of running away and saying, ‘nah, it’s too hard’. It was my daughter that motivated me, and my determination to change my life and break my family cycle.”

Amanda’s is currently studying business administration with the aim of having her own business one day. But her main dream revolves around her daughter. “I look forward to watching her become a beautiful and successful young woman, who won’t let anyone take her mana away from her. My plans are to continue to show and support her in whatever decisions she makes in life.”

She totally recommends the losis Whānau Centre to other mothers in a similar situation. “Do it. It’s short-term pain for long-term gain. Coming here is a once in a lifetime opportunity. And the help that you’ll receive is amazing. Here, you get so much ongoing support, coaching and guidance to help you become who you want to become.”

Amanda says the best part about Merivale is the staff. “They don’t judge. They may not know your past, but they understand. They’ve changed my life – I owe them big time.”

“Here, you get so much ongoing support, coaching and guidance to help you become who you want to become.”

*Name has been changed and a stock image used to protect privacy.