Chip’s story

Chip describes himself as a ‘hands on’ sort of bloke, who likes nothing better than collecting and restoring old stuff. He recently emailed Iosis, to thank us for a programme he initially vehemently wanted nothing to do with. We asked him to tell us what led to his change of mind.

Chip says he has managed people all his life. He was used to being the one who gave instructions and had them obeyed. So, when he was directed to attend an Iosis family violence programme following a court order, he was indignant.

Because it was during Covid lockdown, the programme had to be conducted via phone. His initial contact with Iosis programme facilitator Teina was frosty.

“I was negative from the get go and my first conversation with Teina was me telling this calm, softy spoken gentleman that these sessions will be longest of his life, because I will not talk—Mr Attitude!” says Chip.

By the time the next call came around, Chip had had time to re-think. Firstly, he realised Teina was simply doing his job, trying to help people. Chip also acknowledged that he couldn’t change the situation he found himself in, so he might as well embrace the programme with both hands and learn what he could.

“I thought if I learnt even one thing then I would be that thing better off. Well, as the sessions progressed, I didn’t learn one thing about myself—I learnt a heap. Not just about myself, but relationships, the mind, people, etc. All intriguing and basic stuff I wish I’d known years ago,” he says.

Chip realises now that he’d been unconsciously bringing some of his ‘black and white’ thinking, which had served him so well in a business setting, into the home. He now tries to listen and compromise more and to see things from another’s perspective.

“Business when you are a boss is pretty easy because you are the boss. But in relationships you are not a dictator; you are just a partner,” says Chip.

To others referred to this kind of programme, Chip has some advice: “You’re going to get a lot out of it, but you’ve got to be prepared to give the information and be honest with yourself.”

But it was not just what he learnt that made the difference for Chip. In his email to Iosis’s CEO, he wrote, “Teina went over and beyond to support me outside the programme, in arranging food for me and support that I needed and looked forward to each week. Knowing that support is still there any time with a phone call is a hugely comforting feeling. So again, thank you sincerely from my heart.”

*Name has been changed and a stock image used to protect privacy.