Kereama’s story

When Kereama and his wife separated, he was ordered to complete our Non-Violence Programme. Now, he has the tools to look after himself better – and his children.

Kereama and his wife were together for more than 20 years before they decided to separate. The father of three girls, Kereama has always been a devoted father. “I didn’t have a father, so it has always been a priority for me to be a present and hands-on Dad to my girls,” he explains.

When their relationship was coming to an end, his wife called the police during an argument and Kereama was ordered by the court to do the Iosis Non-Violence Programme before sentencing. Kereama says, “I think it’s pretty standard practice to do this before the sentencing process and I didn’t want to drag my girls through the court system, so it was what I needed to do.”

“I decided to make the most of my time on the programme and asked lots of questions and tried to get as much out of it as I could in my situation,” he reflects. He says that a female facilitator took some of the sessions, which he found enlightening. “I found it very helpful to learn more about women and issues they can be struggling with, like hormones. But just learning more about relationships from a women’s perspective has given me a better understanding.”

Kereama also learnt about tools to diffuse situations, as well as practices to keep yourself well and look after your mental health. “I could see that the other guys on the programme also got heaps out of these sessions. As the father of three girls, two of whom are teenagers, this has been super helpful.”

Doing the mahi to be good parents

Kereama and his ex-wife now co-parent their girls and work hard to ensure that they aren’t affected by their separation. “Our relationship may have ended, but we’re still committed parents. We have ‘week on, week off’ but rather than the girls moving, we move so they have a stable home and aren’t changing their home every week,” he explains.

Kereama says since doing the programme, he has been reminded of what it means to be a good parent. “It opened my eyes again to what love should look like. When I look back, our relationship probably wasn’t quite as strong as we thought. We are much more aware of what we want our kids to see now.”

Now, he and his wife work hard to be respectful of one another. “While I wish none of this had happened, I’m glad I did the programme. I’ve kept in contact with some of the others in the group who had similar situations to me – we shared a common experience doing the programme and that connection remains with you.”

“It was a good programme,” he reflects. “Like anything, different people get different things out of it, depending on their situation. It was worthwhile.”